31st December 2004
thought i wouldnt type today..
i have alot on my mind right now...n its just building up ...up in mythroat....like i'm either gonna burst into laughter...or brake down n cry...
i blame it on my PMS...its due soon...
i'm feeling vulnarable, lost, upset n
i can't help it...
and i'm a bit craving for attention...(what is wrong wit me 2day!!!!)...
just now i caught myself wonderin whylar i'm not settling down yet...(aiyo...crazy!)
i'm a farCry to even b in a relationship....
come to think of it...
i was only in one..
n it wasn't close to what i imagine...
WonderinOff this normal track...i ponder...
how would it be
what am i waiting to see?
to b in one would b ( i imagined)
wit one that is close...but b not too upclose...
wit someOne nice....and of sweet n spice...
wit someOne cute...that gives me an acute...
wit ruffEdge n distortion... cause two n two will make such a notion ...
maybe its the wind..
or those thoughts that is makin me spin...
such a sucker to give in...
wanting so bad to cave in...
Lyin lazy Feelin easy...
just some lirics dat sound so cheessy...
such a crap...feelin so lousy...
wish i had One to feel cosy...
(here i go all desperate again....yissssh)
maybe i'll love an elf...
and put my story at the back of that shelf...
while the month of this twelve..
i'm havin it all....all 2Myself.....
(so wanna just go back n bury myself under those redSheets of mine n stay there...mmmm....)
oh yeah..
eppyNuYer ait!
peace
31 December 2004
29 December 2004
2005...here i run....(hehehe)
29th December 2004
like every year....at this particular turning point..
i just pause.... n look back....
last year i had fun listing all the turns n turbulance on 2003..
maybe cause i had One bside me 2share it wit
(aint that right eddy?...heheh)
but hell...
it'll still be fun to list it down...
(here we go...)
HIGHLITES OF *2004* FOR CURRY_N_CRAP
1) Turned 25 ! (uuuurgh!)- gosh i'm older....remembered dat day i was smilling n screaming at the same time...had good dinner wit LurveOnes n dearOnes....what a day what a day!....( " , )
2) P e r t h - gotta love that laidBack good for "pencenPeeps" place...always remember the seafood, chocBody cream (i know weird huh), freyaHanley(streetPoet..u rawk babe..thnx for the CD), those crazy t'shirts (cost me alot too...hehe) , and that ugLy tan i had after that.....congrats lurve on u're graduation..nanti bring kakNgah go again eh
2) V o te d -yep did that...first time in my life... even went to see what was bilik gerakan all about...had abalone to accompany...think i voted well (for a first timer...hehhe)
3) dented, demented, distorted-u name it! - ...everything my heart had to go thru...
-broken to bits
(wedding bells to u ...was a shock to me ...u should have said something.. n i would've let u go much earlier..)
-mended
(thnx for ure time myBoo..tho someones in u're eyes now..ull always b myBoo..
lalalalal..that song lingers in my head...)..
then it healed a bit...
only to b push down the stairs..of some dark alley where the door is locked..n the key is bein thrown away
(yeah yeah..me n my imagination)....
now its a bit dislocated....n i don't know or not sure how's it doing now.... kihkihkih
4) needle n nerve - health was a taker this year... number of times i had to go thru dat rollerCoaster unstable Blood thingi ..made me pink, yellow, purple, then yellow again....i remember there was even a point i almost lost it all...n thought i wouldn't see those ceilings again...or even feel the same ....
i went thru it all alone... i didn't want anyone see the fear i had on my face...or that depressed feeling that came with it.....n here i am....still alone (muahahah...cheezy i tell ya)....another year since i was last diagnosed huh..
yan..it gets harder and harder lar...
5) corea corea ! - sam...in u're honour!.....thnx for showin me u're corea (correct spellin for korea aah)....always remember this mom-Daughter (the best ma!...serious!) trip...i rawk the town.... bigTime...(n lost acces to my creditcards...hehe)...but it was simply a blast....FIFA stadium, brooch heaven, kimChi, AnyangHaseo , KamsaHamida (corean words i learnt along the way) fakeFakeSoFake designer goods (heheheh)....n good choc drinks (somehow found a good one there...)...sam was the photographer for our trip...nows he's my frend...( " , )...sure hell missYa..
6) nuFlavas- met quite a number of new faces this year...
* nottyBaby- u rawk my world baby...couldn't see that we can do so much...even if we are beds apart...(heheheheeh)...now u're after her...hey...that's kewl....nice knowin ya
* HornyMyth- u're gettin married dude...maybe u should just throw u're "to do " list...ait...hehe...but i found ya...i really did...didn't i...heheehe
*SmallD**k- hehe...weird how we met ...who would've thought..out of all the places..n out of all the people...i had to see u....u want one thing...n i can't give it to u honey....especially people like u....gdLuck ait.Cheers!
*SpinDoctors- never knew any doctor quite like u peeps...never knew i'd be loved this far...hehehe...just three nites together...n we just hit it off great...like sisters i never had...like frends i never want to leave..lurve u both....may we meet again in 2005
* mama'sBoi- geez...u're still a puzzle to me....still haven't figured ure moves n intentions...u do have a nice mom...n i reckon u're nice too...if i get to know u more... will i?
7) Along came myPast-alot of blast from the past frends headed my way this year too
* sukai n shelly - been a while kan...really good to seeYa peeps...i'm still the same curry...even if my grounds bit shaky....still the MystyMe....hehehe
*LongDistance Bliss-Educater 2B!! u're alwaiz dat one buddy every gurl should huv...we startedOff the same path...but now u're headin another..n i wish u all the best n hope u'll find what u're lookin for... welcome to my sector...n if ever along the way...u see clouds n doubts ahead...when nothing just don't make sense....close u're eyes n look behind...u''ll find me there...nowhereElse but just there....(takeCare aaah)
* LostPoet - surprise! surprise !...u're a real blast from the past dude...n really blast me away..(if u know what i mean...kikihkihkihkih)...here's to a goodstart ahead of us ait...no matter where we'd be hangin (or headin) . ( " , ) . Longing for u're strings *wink*
* Noodles- out of the bushes i guess...thats where i found u again....kihkihihkih...noodZzz!...u're one of a kind...n u're my kind...huvbeen n will always cover u're ass when it comes to u're parents (when r u comin out of that shell anyway..still keepin shafs abreast?)...
u came back at the time i needed a familiar face the most...u came back when i don't think i needed to Lookback.... u were so right about him n that game he played....u came...n u were there.....n u made me come nearer.. n under this stromyRain...i wish u were here
All my lurveN Luck on u're newBorn place....drop by anytime..these doors are always open...(muaaaahs)
8) bangi bangi here i come- i must be the most luckiest daughter in this universe..n other alien universe out there!!!!...just when i thought u gave it all abah...theres always a lilMore from u...
(n i was so lookinForward in to movin in wit my budds....but hell...this is much better!!!....heheh) ...
u wont b readin this..but i will make sure u know that Ure the first man i've ever been in love since as long as i could remember...
many men(boyz, jerks, dudes..whatever u call it...hehehe) will come my way abah...but noOne can take u're special palace in my BigFatHeart...
i am u're shadow...n i feell u everytime i'm deep or shallow..
when close or below....when i'm hip or sorrow....either in bangi or buloh......( " , ).
fingers crossed on u're xtension...LurveYa
9) Cover Gurl- this year was also the year i did alot of coverin....be it in the office....or at leisure....some coverin cost me almost my life (hehehehe...sha punya pasal lar nie)...while others....i get paid to do so....(heheheh..orng melayu kate tanggung kerja....aaaaah)...it was the time i had to kick myAss a liltle bit more...a little bit harder....n stand on my 2feet just alilBit longer....
like all times....i remembered those nites i just threw myself in n cried n cried...n cried.... till i forgot the main reason why i cried in the first place..part of it was of my medication...but most of it was because i felt i couldn't breath well...i couldnt look clearly...i couldn't even getUp....
n so i dream....Longing for a better time..hoping that its just around the corner...n that kept me walking the xtra mile....taking that liltle hope...as i wipedOff theOld mascara...only so...to brushOn a new one.....
10) Events, Casualties, n EverAfter - lets not forget news, brews n chews of things that happend around me.....
*SisLong is xpecting-
i'm gonna b an aunt...wehhho...auntCurry ( **,)...
uve come along way from where u r now...ive seen u fall, cry n weep for the tragedy before the joy...
but joy is as joy it is..n its here...insyallah...
*sideBells ringin-
bestestBud any sriAman gurl could have...is settlinDown ...
like i said babe...u're eppyness has arrived n its here n alive...n with all our berkat n doa...may it become infinite n everAfter...amin
words of finale episode of sex n the city _
"...last nite i had a thought...what if i have never have met u? ..."
(uwa..!..sad..sad...! when is my MR BIGG comin n swift me back home.....hihihihihi)
*innocentBeauty leavin the sector?-
i remembered this time so well...i was torn between tellin her to realise her longLived Dream...or b selfish n tell her to stay....just stay.. only cause she's myStrength myWill n MyEpitome to what i standTo today..apart of me is eppy with the offer she got n all the adventure that s gonna come wit it....but it would've really made my life...if she could just stay..n njoy this adventure..together....
n u know what....
SHE DID!...n she's still here...n i'll bring her to 2005...i'll have her another year...as we both gaze at our adventures ahead...
Cheers babe!
SpicyCheers all year round *wink*
* StringsToFindingPeace-
gotta lurve that nite....in my hideAway...wit the poet here to play...n some strings to say....as i lay to you....n u play u're woo...
things to make me ease...strings to finding peace.....strings to say the least...
*tsunami disaster-
life is nuthin but learning....n u're a lesson wellLearnt...
it made our eyes open wider, ears listen further n hearts open warmer...
n it proved that out of all the diferrences we r......
in one way or another....in a good way or whatever....
we r connected.....
no matter which shores we belong to...
mmmm..what a listing...(hehehehe)...
so as i sign off on the last day of 2004.
i look back....n figure...
hey..its not so bad...its not so ugly...n definiteLy not as LoneLy...
so to all
i bid u hello n goodBye
i bid u luck n b unstuck
i wish u well n swell
as i wonder ....
should i run
or just stay to ponder...
(heheheheh)
curry_n_crap
31 th December 2004
like every year....at this particular turning point..
i just pause.... n look back....
last year i had fun listing all the turns n turbulance on 2003..
maybe cause i had One bside me 2share it wit
(aint that right eddy?...heheh)
but hell...
it'll still be fun to list it down...
(here we go...)
HIGHLITES OF *2004* FOR CURRY_N_CRAP
1) Turned 25 ! (uuuurgh!)- gosh i'm older....remembered dat day i was smilling n screaming at the same time...had good dinner wit LurveOnes n dearOnes....what a day what a day!....( " , )
2) P e r t h - gotta love that laidBack good for "pencenPeeps" place...always remember the seafood, chocBody cream (i know weird huh), freyaHanley(streetPoet..u rawk babe..thnx for the CD), those crazy t'shirts (cost me alot too...hehe) , and that ugLy tan i had after that.....congrats lurve on u're graduation..nanti bring kakNgah go again eh
2) V o te d -yep did that...first time in my life... even went to see what was bilik gerakan all about...had abalone to accompany...think i voted well (for a first timer...hehhe)
3) dented, demented, distorted-u name it! - ...everything my heart had to go thru...
-broken to bits
(wedding bells to u ...was a shock to me ...u should have said something.. n i would've let u go much earlier..)
-mended
(thnx for ure time myBoo..tho someones in u're eyes now..ull always b myBoo..
lalalalal..that song lingers in my head...)..
then it healed a bit...
only to b push down the stairs..of some dark alley where the door is locked..n the key is bein thrown away
(yeah yeah..me n my imagination)....
now its a bit dislocated....n i don't know or not sure how's it doing now.... kihkihkih
4) needle n nerve - health was a taker this year... number of times i had to go thru dat rollerCoaster unstable Blood thingi ..made me pink, yellow, purple, then yellow again....i remember there was even a point i almost lost it all...n thought i wouldn't see those ceilings again...or even feel the same ....
i went thru it all alone... i didn't want anyone see the fear i had on my face...or that depressed feeling that came with it.....n here i am....still alone (muahahah...cheezy i tell ya)....another year since i was last diagnosed huh..
yan..it gets harder and harder lar...
5) corea corea ! - sam...in u're honour!.....thnx for showin me u're corea (correct spellin for korea aah)....always remember this mom-Daughter (the best ma!...serious!) trip...i rawk the town.... bigTime...(n lost acces to my creditcards...hehe)...but it was simply a blast....FIFA stadium, brooch heaven, kimChi, AnyangHaseo , KamsaHamida (corean words i learnt along the way) fakeFakeSoFake designer goods (heheheh)....n good choc drinks (somehow found a good one there...)...sam was the photographer for our trip...nows he's my frend...( " , )...sure hell missYa..
6) nuFlavas- met quite a number of new faces this year...
* nottyBaby- u rawk my world baby...couldn't see that we can do so much...even if we are beds apart...(heheheheeh)...now u're after her...hey...that's kewl....nice knowin ya
* HornyMyth- u're gettin married dude...maybe u should just throw u're "to do " list...ait...hehe...but i found ya...i really did...didn't i...heheehe
*SmallD**k- hehe...weird how we met ...who would've thought..out of all the places..n out of all the people...i had to see u....u want one thing...n i can't give it to u honey....especially people like u....gdLuck ait.Cheers!
*SpinDoctors- never knew any doctor quite like u peeps...never knew i'd be loved this far...hehehe...just three nites together...n we just hit it off great...like sisters i never had...like frends i never want to leave..lurve u both....may we meet again in 2005
* mama'sBoi- geez...u're still a puzzle to me....still haven't figured ure moves n intentions...u do have a nice mom...n i reckon u're nice too...if i get to know u more... will i?
7) Along came myPast-alot of blast from the past frends headed my way this year too
* sukai n shelly - been a while kan...really good to seeYa peeps...i'm still the same curry...even if my grounds bit shaky....still the MystyMe....hehehe
*LongDistance Bliss-Educater 2B!! u're alwaiz dat one buddy every gurl should huv...we startedOff the same path...but now u're headin another..n i wish u all the best n hope u'll find what u're lookin for... welcome to my sector...n if ever along the way...u see clouds n doubts ahead...when nothing just don't make sense....close u're eyes n look behind...u''ll find me there...nowhereElse but just there....(takeCare aaah)
* LostPoet - surprise! surprise !...u're a real blast from the past dude...n really blast me away..(if u know what i mean...kikihkihkihkih)...here's to a goodstart ahead of us ait...no matter where we'd be hangin (or headin) . ( " , ) . Longing for u're strings *wink*
* Noodles- out of the bushes i guess...thats where i found u again....kihkihihkih...noodZzz!...u're one of a kind...n u're my kind...huvbeen n will always cover u're ass when it comes to u're parents (when r u comin out of that shell anyway..still keepin shafs abreast?)...
u came back at the time i needed a familiar face the most...u came back when i don't think i needed to Lookback.... u were so right about him n that game he played....u came...n u were there.....n u made me come nearer.. n under this stromyRain...i wish u were here
All my lurveN Luck on u're newBorn place....drop by anytime..these doors are always open...(muaaaahs)
8) bangi bangi here i come- i must be the most luckiest daughter in this universe..n other alien universe out there!!!!...just when i thought u gave it all abah...theres always a lilMore from u...
(n i was so lookinForward in to movin in wit my budds....but hell...this is much better!!!....heheh) ...
u wont b readin this..but i will make sure u know that Ure the first man i've ever been in love since as long as i could remember...
many men(boyz, jerks, dudes..whatever u call it...hehehe) will come my way abah...but noOne can take u're special palace in my BigFatHeart...
i am u're shadow...n i feell u everytime i'm deep or shallow..
when close or below....when i'm hip or sorrow....either in bangi or buloh......( " , ).
fingers crossed on u're xtension...LurveYa
9) Cover Gurl- this year was also the year i did alot of coverin....be it in the office....or at leisure....some coverin cost me almost my life (hehehehe...sha punya pasal lar nie)...while others....i get paid to do so....(heheheh..orng melayu kate tanggung kerja....aaaaah)...it was the time i had to kick myAss a liltle bit more...a little bit harder....n stand on my 2feet just alilBit longer....
like all times....i remembered those nites i just threw myself in n cried n cried...n cried.... till i forgot the main reason why i cried in the first place..part of it was of my medication...but most of it was because i felt i couldn't breath well...i couldnt look clearly...i couldn't even getUp....
n so i dream....Longing for a better time..hoping that its just around the corner...n that kept me walking the xtra mile....taking that liltle hope...as i wipedOff theOld mascara...only so...to brushOn a new one.....
10) Events, Casualties, n EverAfter - lets not forget news, brews n chews of things that happend around me.....
*SisLong is xpecting-
i'm gonna b an aunt...wehhho...auntCurry ( **,)...
uve come along way from where u r now...ive seen u fall, cry n weep for the tragedy before the joy...
but joy is as joy it is..n its here...insyallah...
*sideBells ringin-
bestestBud any sriAman gurl could have...is settlinDown ...
like i said babe...u're eppyness has arrived n its here n alive...n with all our berkat n doa...may it become infinite n everAfter...amin
words of finale episode of sex n the city _
"...last nite i had a thought...what if i have never have met u? ..."
(uwa..!..sad..sad...! when is my MR BIGG comin n swift me back home.....hihihihihi)
*innocentBeauty leavin the sector?-
i remembered this time so well...i was torn between tellin her to realise her longLived Dream...or b selfish n tell her to stay....just stay.. only cause she's myStrength myWill n MyEpitome to what i standTo today..apart of me is eppy with the offer she got n all the adventure that s gonna come wit it....but it would've really made my life...if she could just stay..n njoy this adventure..together....
n u know what....
SHE DID!...n she's still here...n i'll bring her to 2005...i'll have her another year...as we both gaze at our adventures ahead...
Cheers babe!
SpicyCheers all year round *wink*
* StringsToFindingPeace-
gotta lurve that nite....in my hideAway...wit the poet here to play...n some strings to say....as i lay to you....n u play u're woo...
things to make me ease...strings to finding peace.....strings to say the least...
*tsunami disaster-
life is nuthin but learning....n u're a lesson wellLearnt...
it made our eyes open wider, ears listen further n hearts open warmer...
n it proved that out of all the diferrences we r......
in one way or another....in a good way or whatever....
we r connected.....
no matter which shores we belong to...
mmmm..what a listing...(hehehehe)...
so as i sign off on the last day of 2004.
i look back....n figure...
hey..its not so bad...its not so ugly...n definiteLy not as LoneLy...
so to all
i bid u hello n goodBye
i bid u luck n b unstuck
i wish u well n swell
as i wonder ....
should i run
or just stay to ponder...
(heheheheh)
curry_n_crap
31 th December 2004
28 December 2004
songs for the tsuname drifters
28th December 2004
when i look at myLife n see nothin but bore...
i just do myself a favour..n look at others more...
in the news..and in the papers....
every One is sayin...everything that matters....
u want to be there...u want to know more...
u feel u need more....and get to the core.....
unexpected is what life's read...
even if its just plain weed...
a little twist...and evryone agreed...
n all that is left...is all that we need...
i look at him...sadened by the matter..
thinkin what he could have done better..
all we could be.. that is in his honour....
is to wish tommorrow... would be... less bitter....
i often asked..things i do not want...
things that i wish would never b grant...
but if i had a wand..n know what he wants...
i'll turn back time....his wishes i'll grant...
to lose the love...
is like killing a dove...
n that feeling above...
slowly evolve....
wish i had wings.....
and that particular ring...
n i will be entering...
and soul will be searching.....
there are ever afters...
and also hereAfters...
come sorrow come laughters..
forever B...my dear tsunami drifters...
* this ones for the fatherIn Tears..who lost all five gifts...at one drift..aren't we all drifting here?*
when i look at myLife n see nothin but bore...
i just do myself a favour..n look at others more...
in the news..and in the papers....
every One is sayin...everything that matters....
u want to be there...u want to know more...
u feel u need more....and get to the core.....
unexpected is what life's read...
even if its just plain weed...
a little twist...and evryone agreed...
n all that is left...is all that we need...
i look at him...sadened by the matter..
thinkin what he could have done better..
all we could be.. that is in his honour....
is to wish tommorrow... would be... less bitter....
i often asked..things i do not want...
things that i wish would never b grant...
but if i had a wand..n know what he wants...
i'll turn back time....his wishes i'll grant...
to lose the love...
is like killing a dove...
n that feeling above...
slowly evolve....
wish i had wings.....
and that particular ring...
n i will be entering...
and soul will be searching.....
there are ever afters...
and also hereAfters...
come sorrow come laughters..
forever B...my dear tsunami drifters...
* this ones for the fatherIn Tears..who lost all five gifts...at one drift..aren't we all drifting here?*
27 December 2004
Of Joy And Sorrow.....u came to me
27th December 2004
Of shades pink n blue...
i spent the weekend makin it thru...
when joyest blew....n e'body knew...
somethings pink n somethings blue....
Of pink parade..
u had u're day..
the day has paid....
u had u're way...
but other's mild...
because of wild....
storms that has charmed....
has left us alarmed....
i tried to breath....
n be underneath...
to believe all to be....
was just a dream i'LL be...
but i was awake...
this wasn't a mistake...
what i thought never make...
became e'thing but fake...
as i lay my head tonite...
gaining strength n all might...
know will make it thru this nite...
as long as we unite....
just stay awake...
make no mistake....
one all might to be....
of joy and sorrow...u came to me....
* this ones for u babe...congrats on u're engagement....the best EVE ever kan ?...
n all myhopes n doa for those Tsunami survivor...it hit us all ..it hit us hard....now its just whats left n the days that come after....so how's it gonna b?*
Of shades pink n blue...
i spent the weekend makin it thru...
when joyest blew....n e'body knew...
somethings pink n somethings blue....
Of pink parade..
u had u're day..
the day has paid....
u had u're way...
but other's mild...
because of wild....
storms that has charmed....
has left us alarmed....
i tried to breath....
n be underneath...
to believe all to be....
was just a dream i'LL be...
but i was awake...
this wasn't a mistake...
what i thought never make...
became e'thing but fake...
as i lay my head tonite...
gaining strength n all might...
know will make it thru this nite...
as long as we unite....
just stay awake...
make no mistake....
one all might to be....
of joy and sorrow...u came to me....
* this ones for u babe...congrats on u're engagement....the best EVE ever kan ?...
n all myhopes n doa for those Tsunami survivor...it hit us all ..it hit us hard....now its just whats left n the days that come after....so how's it gonna b?*
23 December 2004
pullin the trigger...
23rd December 2004
its 7pm...n i'm still at the office...
still in front of my pc....still loads to do...
still tryin to breath...still tryin to believe...
u see i dont mind havin loads n loads of work to do..its not like i have a bf to have fun wit after work...or on a date....honestLy i don't mind doing the xtra hour...or going the xtra mile...for work...for myWork....
(its the feeling of not being there that shits the most)...
this mornin i already had two to settle up my belly...one overdue report n another in the process...
then my boss had sume what i call a BitchFit....
she started askin non-Urgent matters to b settled today.....the one day i had too much to do...
i was honest when i say i was not done n that it won'tb proper for her to see it...
but she just had to get that bitchFit today....
n nothin was ever right ever since...
she kept callin me...askin to clarify things, correct things, ammend this n that.....
n at the end of the day....when there was no reason to get a fit...
she told me i was disorganize n that i was a dissapoinment to her....
it broke me to pieces...
i didn't do anything wrong...nothing got misplaced...or overdue....
bigBoss didn;t even raise it in the meeting..
but she had to go the xtra mile n say it...
n it broke me...
maybe its my period is coming...or i just got out of the wrong side of the bed...
because i usually never take these things seriously...i let it linger in my head..then i just tell myself "Ahhh...Fuck it lar..i'll Live..."...but not today...
it made me think....
thinkin aloud_
i dunt belong here..
i dunt fit here at all..
i don't know what i'm doin...
most of the times i just get lost or confuse on what is goin on..
maybe she's right...
maybe she's right all along...
i can never gain her trust huh
i can never be that good here
i can never fit here...
shit still got loads to do tonite...
and the worst part was...
i thought i was doing good...
i thought i was that officer bosses are proud of ...
i just thought..
till she told me i was dissapointing....
i need to get out here...
at least now..
at least this hour...
i'm getting colder..
runnin would b most wiser...
before i turn n pull the trigger.
curry_n-crack
its 7pm...n i'm still at the office...
still in front of my pc....still loads to do...
still tryin to breath...still tryin to believe...
u see i dont mind havin loads n loads of work to do..its not like i have a bf to have fun wit after work...or on a date....honestLy i don't mind doing the xtra hour...or going the xtra mile...for work...for myWork....
(its the feeling of not being there that shits the most)...
this mornin i already had two to settle up my belly...one overdue report n another in the process...
then my boss had sume what i call a BitchFit....
she started askin non-Urgent matters to b settled today.....the one day i had too much to do...
i was honest when i say i was not done n that it won'tb proper for her to see it...
but she just had to get that bitchFit today....
n nothin was ever right ever since...
she kept callin me...askin to clarify things, correct things, ammend this n that.....
n at the end of the day....when there was no reason to get a fit...
she told me i was disorganize n that i was a dissapoinment to her....
it broke me to pieces...
i didn't do anything wrong...nothing got misplaced...or overdue....
bigBoss didn;t even raise it in the meeting..
but she had to go the xtra mile n say it...
n it broke me...
maybe its my period is coming...or i just got out of the wrong side of the bed...
because i usually never take these things seriously...i let it linger in my head..then i just tell myself "Ahhh...Fuck it lar..i'll Live..."...but not today...
it made me think....
thinkin aloud_
i dunt belong here..
i dunt fit here at all..
i don't know what i'm doin...
most of the times i just get lost or confuse on what is goin on..
maybe she's right...
maybe she's right all along...
i can never gain her trust huh
i can never be that good here
i can never fit here...
shit still got loads to do tonite...
and the worst part was...
i thought i was doing good...
i thought i was that officer bosses are proud of ...
i just thought..
till she told me i was dissapointing....
i need to get out here...
at least now..
at least this hour...
i'm getting colder..
runnin would b most wiser...
before i turn n pull the trigger.
curry_n-crack
22 December 2004
Come Away and i'll be.....With Me To Bangi ( " ,)
22 December 2004.
runnin Away....is the perfect way...
to spend this day...so far far away....
i came today....maybe wept to stay...
don't look so stray...maybe so another day...
i taste u're wind....that made me spin...
i look within...
n breeze so thin...
u took me in...
i'm here so keen....
come here n lean.....
and u get what i mean....
i was afraid....
afraid to trade...
afraid i'll fade....
afraid that paid....
but it was sweet...n up my beat....
u had my wheat....u had my bead...
i came to u....i came to see u....
the stars u knew....
has made me confuse...
another day...another way....
i couldnt stay... no not today...
but come away...cause i never say....
that i'll be away....just only today...
live in me....
live with me....
come away n i'll be...
with me to bangi ....
10.30 am
*curryNCrap would like to take this oppurtunity to thank LostPoet for showin her the roots, n roundabouts (n not forgetting the laundry bit...heheh) of Bangi....may we hope she remembers them all n not just keep loosing her way to see them UKM Boyzzzzzz...(mmmmm) ...heheheehe...
C H E E R S! ( " ,)*
runnin Away....is the perfect way...
to spend this day...so far far away....
i came today....maybe wept to stay...
don't look so stray...maybe so another day...
i taste u're wind....that made me spin...
i look within...
n breeze so thin...
u took me in...
i'm here so keen....
come here n lean.....
and u get what i mean....
i was afraid....
afraid to trade...
afraid i'll fade....
afraid that paid....
but it was sweet...n up my beat....
u had my wheat....u had my bead...
i came to u....i came to see u....
the stars u knew....
has made me confuse...
another day...another way....
i couldnt stay... no not today...
but come away...cause i never say....
that i'll be away....just only today...
live in me....
live with me....
come away n i'll be...
with me to bangi ....
10.30 am
*curryNCrap would like to take this oppurtunity to thank LostPoet for showin her the roots, n roundabouts (n not forgetting the laundry bit...heheh) of Bangi....may we hope she remembers them all n not just keep loosing her way to see them UKM Boyzzzzzz...(mmmmm) ...heheheehe...
C H E E R S! ( " ,)*
17 December 2004
the stars look brighter this 3am...
17th December 2004
been up withU ...without any clue...
to meet my stars...up to myMars.....
maybe its the wind...or what made me spin...
but nothin makes my day..even if i am grey....
some may wonder...others do ponder....theres nothin but slumber...up beyond those numbers...
i close my eyes...n hear my cries...
n beneath its spies...its still lay miles..
i look beyond...n talk upon..
just things to share...and non to stare...
even i am aware...there's noOne there...
but look up there...n don't be square...
im not to scare...hopefully u're there...
i have myStars...even if in bars....even if myMars...is nothing but jars...
with my stars n M&M....
tryin not to be.... somewhat cramp...
all i'll b n all i am....
the stars look brighter this 3 am....
9.55am
been up withU ...without any clue...
to meet my stars...up to myMars.....
maybe its the wind...or what made me spin...
but nothin makes my day..even if i am grey....
some may wonder...others do ponder....theres nothin but slumber...up beyond those numbers...
i close my eyes...n hear my cries...
n beneath its spies...its still lay miles..
i look beyond...n talk upon..
just things to share...and non to stare...
even i am aware...there's noOne there...
but look up there...n don't be square...
im not to scare...hopefully u're there...
i have myStars...even if in bars....even if myMars...is nothing but jars...
with my stars n M&M....
tryin not to be.... somewhat cramp...
all i'll b n all i am....
the stars look brighter this 3 am....
9.55am
16 December 2004
citrus tea for two ( " , )
16th December 2004
damn i didn't bring the sugar...
i was knockin my head (not literaly tho.....hehehe)...
to actually forget the one essential thing..
and so i thought....(heheheheh)...
i couldnt sit still...
couln't even bite.....
i try to be still....
couldn't even put my foot right...
there it was....
just the two of us...
what a blast....
strings n citrus....
like most nites...
needed my stars....
needed my mars...
needed to cry...
n needed to fly...
but not that nite...
not lastnite...
i was with u...
citrus for two....
u played u're strings...
u made me spin...
u came in to my strings...
as i rocked u spin...
feel my skin...
deep within...
feel me near...
to cum within....
the nite was mild...
my legs were wild..
u hands went a mile...
made me weak awhile...
i bore u...
with my past...
with what is past...
while u...
tried to ask...
whats my past...
n which to cast...
i breath u're strings...
i breath with wings...
u gave me things...
i want to bring....
u soaked me deep...
u soaked me wet...
u made me think ...
u made me wet....
the nite was blue...
the stars follow thru...
i wanna b wit u...
citrus tea for two...
9.40am
damn i didn't bring the sugar...
i was knockin my head (not literaly tho.....hehehe)...
to actually forget the one essential thing..
and so i thought....(heheheheh)...
i couldnt sit still...
couln't even bite.....
i try to be still....
couldn't even put my foot right...
there it was....
just the two of us...
what a blast....
strings n citrus....
like most nites...
needed my stars....
needed my mars...
needed to cry...
n needed to fly...
but not that nite...
not lastnite...
i was with u...
citrus for two....
u played u're strings...
u made me spin...
u came in to my strings...
as i rocked u spin...
feel my skin...
deep within...
feel me near...
to cum within....
the nite was mild...
my legs were wild..
u hands went a mile...
made me weak awhile...
i bore u...
with my past...
with what is past...
while u...
tried to ask...
whats my past...
n which to cast...
i breath u're strings...
i breath with wings...
u gave me things...
i want to bring....
u soaked me deep...
u soaked me wet...
u made me think ...
u made me wet....
the nite was blue...
the stars follow thru...
i wanna b wit u...
citrus tea for two...
9.40am
14 December 2004
my lil sweet bloatedPoet ( " , )
14 December 2004
i met the poet...
my sweet poet...
mysterious lil bloated...
lil sweet melted...
i met him nite....
which was quite rite...
n in the lite...
he made me bright...
it was unknown...
it was insane...
with place unknown...
with heads so sane...
wish i could potray...
things i wanted to say...
but all he could say...
is that he is not gay...
not to get...
not to fret...
i'm not finished yet...
my lil sweet bloated poet
c h e e r s !
10.50am
i met the poet...
my sweet poet...
mysterious lil bloated...
lil sweet melted...
i met him nite....
which was quite rite...
n in the lite...
he made me bright...
it was unknown...
it was insane...
with place unknown...
with heads so sane...
wish i could potray...
things i wanted to say...
but all he could say...
is that he is not gay...
not to get...
not to fret...
i'm not finished yet...
my lil sweet bloated poet
c h e e r s !
10.50am
9 December 2004
Lashing it Out
9 December 2004
i'm hating it...
i'm violating it...
day by the day...
i'm losing it..
i cannot breath...i cannot see...
sometimes even cannot be...
whats wrong wit me...
whats happend to me...
u r dear to me...
but today it wont be...
i have this rage...
i cannot cave...
i want to rage...
to end this crave....
i need to spur...
behind this blur...
i need to fill...
believe to kill...
believe there's sumthin i need to drill...
i gotta run...
or even spurn....
to go somewhere....
with no return...
i'm really about...
to scream out loud...
to let it out...
lashing it out....
curry_n_crap
5.50pm
i'm hating it...
i'm violating it...
day by the day...
i'm losing it..
i cannot breath...i cannot see...
sometimes even cannot be...
whats wrong wit me...
whats happend to me...
u r dear to me...
but today it wont be...
i have this rage...
i cannot cave...
i want to rage...
to end this crave....
i need to spur...
behind this blur...
i need to fill...
believe to kill...
believe there's sumthin i need to drill...
i gotta run...
or even spurn....
to go somewhere....
with no return...
i'm really about...
to scream out loud...
to let it out...
lashing it out....
curry_n_crap
5.50pm
7 December 2004
darkest sky i'll ever b
7 th December 2004
could not stand....
could not see...
could not be beyond that tree...
what to me...
has become a sea....
as i want to be...
a forever me...
give me a reason...
give me a sign...
as i kill this treason...
and forever benign....
look up ahead..
look at me....
with no regret...
darkest sky i'll ever be..
curry_n_ crap
12.10pm
could not stand....
could not see...
could not be beyond that tree...
what to me...
has become a sea....
as i want to be...
a forever me...
give me a reason...
give me a sign...
as i kill this treason...
and forever benign....
look up ahead..
look at me....
with no regret...
darkest sky i'll ever be..
curry_n_ crap
12.10pm
2 December 2004
what a boring day
2nd December 2004
tones of work..
loads to think about...
n its still a boring day...
my laundry piled like shit...
same goes with my shit......
n thats not counting the other shits....
maybe i should call it a shitty day...
i can't stay focus..
i can't sit still..
i can't even finish a sentence...
been checkin my phone...
yep its fine....
though no ones ring...
damn dats boring...
damn ..dats shit.....
where is my muse...
that i want to abuse...
to tell him i'm missUse...
by a guy name tomCruise...
(kahkakhakakhakakahkak....shit ...dat ryhmes)
so as i am in stress...
n so is john's Mistress...
i need to impress...
n tell all the press....
(no sense...but it still ryhme......double shit)
what a boring day.
1.00pm
tones of work..
loads to think about...
n its still a boring day...
my laundry piled like shit...
same goes with my shit......
n thats not counting the other shits....
maybe i should call it a shitty day...
i can't stay focus..
i can't sit still..
i can't even finish a sentence...
been checkin my phone...
yep its fine....
though no ones ring...
damn dats boring...
damn ..dats shit.....
where is my muse...
that i want to abuse...
to tell him i'm missUse...
by a guy name tomCruise...
(kahkakhakakhakakahkak....shit ...dat ryhmes)
so as i am in stress...
n so is john's Mistress...
i need to impress...
n tell all the press....
(no sense...but it still ryhme......double shit)
what a boring day.
1.00pm
1 December 2004
i wanna b wit U
7th December 2004
i ended yesterday wit loads to think of...
in my empty house....wit my empty heart....
i look up above to see it off...
to seek some answer.....sure..yeah right
i needed u so badLy...
we talked last nite...
that made me madLy..
be mine tonite.....
u...most likeLy....
should i say....should i tell...
should i b the one to dwell...
my heart kept jumpin...
my words aren't comin
i want to cry..... n my heart kept pumpin
this is crazy...this is not right.....
he kept me jumpin....
am i alright?.....
i can't think right...
i can't even be notty...
against my might...
i'm nice n tidy....
i'm bein sane...
n insane ...
wit u by my side i'm automatically Jane....
oh baby...
i wanna b wit U
(this one for u pranaWannabe...cheers!)
i ended yesterday wit loads to think of...
in my empty house....wit my empty heart....
i look up above to see it off...
to seek some answer.....sure..yeah right
i needed u so badLy...
we talked last nite...
that made me madLy..
be mine tonite.....
u...most likeLy....
should i say....should i tell...
should i b the one to dwell...
my heart kept jumpin...
my words aren't comin
i want to cry..... n my heart kept pumpin
this is crazy...this is not right.....
he kept me jumpin....
am i alright?.....
i can't think right...
i can't even be notty...
against my might...
i'm nice n tidy....
i'm bein sane...
n insane ...
wit u by my side i'm automatically Jane....
oh baby...
i wanna b wit U
(this one for u pranaWannabe...cheers!)
24 November 2004
Lil time for sweetness...( " , )
24th November 2004
i enjoyed yesterday...
a light gathering with a light drink...
just the two of us...
consist of u n me....
as i search for u're eyes....i kept wondering
n cannot understand how...
those feelings for u...
still remain..in me...
intact n so alive....
R E A L ?..let time tell...
let time decide....
as time stood aside...
for a lil sweetness for curry....
as i search for u're heart...
comes a tinggling felling right thru my heart..
like a gold dust shimmering in the air ...
the type u want it to last more than tonite....last nite..yesterday
the type u want forever....
so as i wait....
to have another chance...
deep in my heart i linger n ponder...
for another light nite...close with my light slumber...
to have another taste..
for that lil time of sweetness
for me...
for curry....
9.00 am
i enjoyed yesterday...
a light gathering with a light drink...
just the two of us...
consist of u n me....
as i search for u're eyes....i kept wondering
n cannot understand how...
those feelings for u...
still remain..in me...
intact n so alive....
R E A L ?..let time tell...
let time decide....
as time stood aside...
for a lil sweetness for curry....
as i search for u're heart...
comes a tinggling felling right thru my heart..
like a gold dust shimmering in the air ...
the type u want it to last more than tonite....last nite..yesterday
the type u want forever....
so as i wait....
to have another chance...
deep in my heart i linger n ponder...
for another light nite...close with my light slumber...
to have another taste..
for that lil time of sweetness
for me...
for curry....
9.00 am
19 November 2004
that i would b good...even if i lose sanity
19 November 2004
LongLive AlanisMorisette
all myteries are over...
all wonders n what ifs are finally over...
my mysteryMan...
the idea of a mom liking me first before i even got to know the son
made me horny n hyper day by day....
no im not horny over the mom (what u think i lost it all already?!!!)
just to the excitement that this could b it....
dat finally im gonna....
yep...SETTLE DOWN
(i must b insane....thinkin this way lateLy)
imagine this...
from the second i found out a mom finds me *D E C E N T* enuff for his son..
i had crazy thoughts on my mind ...
yeay...i'm finally accepted by society..(kihkihkih), that im normal....
n so i met him
my mystery man...
n...
(drumRoll)...
yep..im insane...
i shouldve just stop at the idea of the decendy thingi.....n shouldnt have gone further....
i mean what was i thinkin....
havin a relationship wit a mummysBoi...
uuuurgh!....
i gotta kick myself in the ass like a thousand times to even consider it...
(still kickin....only at numb 18...( " , )
so maybe i was a bit of a desparate mode lateLy...
me n my fantasies...
n how i long to b wit someOne(shit i'm so desperate)
but i couldve invested into something more lessDesperate ( i think)...
like Myone nites, or my internetLover, n all other weirdos that as long as they get me horny i'm pretty much ok (heheheheeh...jokin)
but
whatever it is...
i know
that i will b good
whether with or withOut u._(Alanis Morrisette rawks...for-Eva!..)
(awww....my head.....)
Cheeers!
11.40am
LongLive AlanisMorisette
all myteries are over...
all wonders n what ifs are finally over...
my mysteryMan...
the idea of a mom liking me first before i even got to know the son
made me horny n hyper day by day....
no im not horny over the mom (what u think i lost it all already?!!!)
just to the excitement that this could b it....
dat finally im gonna....
yep...SETTLE DOWN
(i must b insane....thinkin this way lateLy)
imagine this...
from the second i found out a mom finds me *D E C E N T* enuff for his son..
i had crazy thoughts on my mind ...
yeay...i'm finally accepted by society..(kihkihkih), that im normal....
n so i met him
my mystery man...
n...
(drumRoll)...
yep..im insane...
i shouldve just stop at the idea of the decendy thingi.....n shouldnt have gone further....
i mean what was i thinkin....
havin a relationship wit a mummysBoi...
uuuurgh!....
i gotta kick myself in the ass like a thousand times to even consider it...
(still kickin....only at numb 18...( " , )
so maybe i was a bit of a desparate mode lateLy...
me n my fantasies...
n how i long to b wit someOne(shit i'm so desperate)
but i couldve invested into something more lessDesperate ( i think)...
like Myone nites, or my internetLover, n all other weirdos that as long as they get me horny i'm pretty much ok (heheheheeh...jokin)
but
whatever it is...
i know
that i will b good
whether with or withOut u._(Alanis Morrisette rawks...for-Eva!..)
(awww....my head.....)
Cheeers!
11.40am
13 October 2004
but i'm doin fine....(hard to believe huh...)
13th October 2004
i went to South corea (original spellin....serious!) n lost all limits to my puny credit card...
but i'm doin fine
i had a soakin wild nite wit notty Boi...(oooh yeah baby....) n just found out dat my lunaticBitch frend has this huge crushCumLove disease towards him...(oh damn)
but i'm doin fine
i fell in a most impossible drain to fall in n got myself a blue knee, showed my ever so huge ass (I N J E C T I O N....ouch) to the doc n got an mc...
but i'm doin fine
all in all...
life has been S W E L L...
a.k.a
SwollenLy Well...
( " , )
C H E R R S!
11.35 am
i went to South corea (original spellin....serious!) n lost all limits to my puny credit card...
but i'm doin fine
i had a soakin wild nite wit notty Boi...(oooh yeah baby....) n just found out dat my lunaticBitch frend has this huge crushCumLove disease towards him...(oh damn)
but i'm doin fine
i fell in a most impossible drain to fall in n got myself a blue knee, showed my ever so huge ass (I N J E C T I O N....ouch) to the doc n got an mc...
but i'm doin fine
all in all...
life has been S W E L L...
a.k.a
SwollenLy Well...
( " , )
C H E R R S!
11.35 am
10 September 2004
Hard to say goodBye....i guess...
10th September 2004
u know u're thinking too much when out of noWhere u cried of yesterday...
that's what happend to me...yesterday (nite)...
i was doin some work..when i came across some old pictures..
n thought about this particular frend...
it was him ....the can't-live-withOut Frend
he's got his life now...n found another Me....
n i'm suppose to deal with the shit that happends...
n i am....
n i hate the things he did to me...
n the way he broke my heart..
n how painful it is thinkin on the things he said...he promised..
n the idea that i held on to those words..
tryin my best to believe it was..
for once...
R E A L
when every idiot knows...
BullS**** sometimes sounds so sweet....
n so pure......
its just.....
at every moment we try our best to forget...
we can't help it... when it comes back...
to haunt us...remind us... refresh us
of things...words..events..moments
and oh how i wish i was there...
back when everything felt so...
R E A L
but i cannot tell myself to forget
that he found another me...
and that shits happend...
n that i must move on...run for cover...hide...
whatever it takes
to say goodBye...
cause i guess its true what myX once told me...
i'm impossible to love...
because its hard for me to say goodBye
i guess.....
Cheers!
10.05am
u know u're thinking too much when out of noWhere u cried of yesterday...
that's what happend to me...yesterday (nite)...
i was doin some work..when i came across some old pictures..
n thought about this particular frend...
it was him ....the can't-live-withOut Frend
he's got his life now...n found another Me....
n i'm suppose to deal with the shit that happends...
n i am....
n i hate the things he did to me...
n the way he broke my heart..
n how painful it is thinkin on the things he said...he promised..
n the idea that i held on to those words..
tryin my best to believe it was..
for once...
R E A L
when every idiot knows...
BullS**** sometimes sounds so sweet....
n so pure......
its just.....
at every moment we try our best to forget...
we can't help it... when it comes back...
to haunt us...remind us... refresh us
of things...words..events..moments
and oh how i wish i was there...
back when everything felt so...
R E A L
but i cannot tell myself to forget
that he found another me...
and that shits happend...
n that i must move on...run for cover...hide...
whatever it takes
to say goodBye...
cause i guess its true what myX once told me...
i'm impossible to love...
because its hard for me to say goodBye
i guess.....
Cheers!
10.05am
8 September 2004
Gettin all the Warmth I need ( " , ).......
8 September 2004
last nite was simply a BLAST!...(no...no...nothing horny here...shut up ChineseBro...hehe)
i hangedOut wit innocentBeauty, ShyGuy and CineseBro...
3 odd/unique/wayDifferent- than-me people...
all enjoying one thing in common.....LIFE
(oh yes over slices n slices of pizza n garlic bread).....
so yes we will have hard times coming our way...
shy guy is still tryin his best to be a lawyer n noOne does it better than us BullS*****s
ChineseBro will keep on Droolin on those fine/firm ass comin down the street...(kahkahakhakakh)
and InnocentBeauty goin "aaaah....how sweet..." at things people do to find L O V E ...(heheheeh..)
n for me... i'm just taking it all in n making it a picturePerfect in my heart...(aaah...how sweet...)
n yes we can't stop laughing on yesterdays joke..
no matter how many times it was repeated...
or cannot believe the fact that anytime sooner i gotta change shyGuy's name cause it doesn't seem to fit him anymore...(heheheheh)....
the whole scenery of me n my frends..just enjoying simpleLaughs...
i can't help but be happy ...n thankful...
that out of all the shits n shatters of this life...or in myLife for that matter...
i can still look around n find all the warmth i need to make it thru the day...
or better still..
to make it thru my life
so...
here's to the nite. budds
Cheers!
9.45 am
last nite was simply a BLAST!...(no...no...nothing horny here...shut up ChineseBro...hehe)
i hangedOut wit innocentBeauty, ShyGuy and CineseBro...
3 odd/unique/wayDifferent- than-me people...
all enjoying one thing in common.....LIFE
(oh yes over slices n slices of pizza n garlic bread).....
so yes we will have hard times coming our way...
shy guy is still tryin his best to be a lawyer n noOne does it better than us BullS*****s
ChineseBro will keep on Droolin on those fine/firm ass comin down the street...(kahkahakhakakh)
and InnocentBeauty goin "aaaah....how sweet..." at things people do to find L O V E ...(heheheeh..)
n for me... i'm just taking it all in n making it a picturePerfect in my heart...(aaah...how sweet...)
n yes we can't stop laughing on yesterdays joke..
no matter how many times it was repeated...
or cannot believe the fact that anytime sooner i gotta change shyGuy's name cause it doesn't seem to fit him anymore...(heheheheh)....
the whole scenery of me n my frends..just enjoying simpleLaughs...
i can't help but be happy ...n thankful...
that out of all the shits n shatters of this life...or in myLife for that matter...
i can still look around n find all the warmth i need to make it thru the day...
or better still..
to make it thru my life
so...
here's to the nite. budds
Cheers!
9.45 am
6 September 2004
Decent Boi Vs Notty Boi
6 September 2004
since the heart dept closed...
this crap of curry been looking into other areas to make her horny...(i mean happy)...
this past few weeks been a bit of a crazyLand here in CrappyCurry life...
n so i come across two BOyS....
(so help me god!....)
decent boi
aka mySaviour i talked about earlier
u know the one not ready for relationship...blablabla..guy
well...recently been spending quite some time wit him...
always late...makes it up for it...makes me laugh...makes my day....
and then tells me he loves me like a lil sister he never had ...(typical)...
chinese bro told me to ignore this dick...i mean guy...boi.....what the hell....
cause believe it or not...
i feel like the safetyNet he wants to have all the time...
tho he does call everynite...
n sings to me...n spends more time with me than my last X....aaaaah
(focus curry focus!!!!!)..
HE STILL HASN"T GONE OVER FUCKIN_BLIND....REMEMBER?
notty boi
this ones new...Verry new...oh yeah baby...
one thing about him that turns me on... is his VOICE!!!!
husky n horny..i'm tellin ya....
i even caught my self M@*#^%@*%($& while listening to him
been calling n sms'ing lateLy...
n i met him lastNite....
n before i slept ...
out of noWhere...he made this statement
(yes chineseBro...just like u're FAKING_IT frend...hahahah)
" i'm not into just one relationship..i don't like to focus... its tiring...neways....u fancy doin a BL&*^*% thru the phone?"
i should feel offended right?...cheap?...fuckin bastard askin me to help him wit his fantasy....
but i didn't get offended....
in fact....i gave him more than just a BL&*$^&...n it wasn't ONLY just him gettin lucky....
Mmmmmmmmmm......
(what happends next people....is for u to find out n only me to know.....( " , )
Cheers!
1.05 pm
since the heart dept closed...
this crap of curry been looking into other areas to make her horny...(i mean happy)...
this past few weeks been a bit of a crazyLand here in CrappyCurry life...
n so i come across two BOyS....
(so help me god!....)
decent boi
aka mySaviour i talked about earlier
u know the one not ready for relationship...blablabla..guy
well...recently been spending quite some time wit him...
always late...makes it up for it...makes me laugh...makes my day....
and then tells me he loves me like a lil sister he never had ...(typical)...
chinese bro told me to ignore this dick...i mean guy...boi.....what the hell....
cause believe it or not...
i feel like the safetyNet he wants to have all the time...
tho he does call everynite...
n sings to me...n spends more time with me than my last X....aaaaah
(focus curry focus!!!!!)..
HE STILL HASN"T GONE OVER FUCKIN_BLIND....REMEMBER?
notty boi
this ones new...Verry new...oh yeah baby...
one thing about him that turns me on... is his VOICE!!!!
husky n horny..i'm tellin ya....
i even caught my self M@*#^%@*%($& while listening to him
been calling n sms'ing lateLy...
n i met him lastNite....
n before i slept ...
out of noWhere...he made this statement
(yes chineseBro...just like u're FAKING_IT frend...hahahah)
" i'm not into just one relationship..i don't like to focus... its tiring...neways....u fancy doin a BL&*^*% thru the phone?"
i should feel offended right?...cheap?...fuckin bastard askin me to help him wit his fantasy....
but i didn't get offended....
in fact....i gave him more than just a BL&*$^&...n it wasn't ONLY just him gettin lucky....
Mmmmmmmmmm......
(what happends next people....is for u to find out n only me to know.....( " , )
Cheers!
1.05 pm
27 August 2004
another boring day
27 August 2004
i'm so bored...
this is bored...
i'm even bored to even end the day....
as ono Lisa sings a very slow song....
its just so B O R I N G...
Just one of them boring fridays....i guess....]
3.50 p.m.
i'm so bored...
this is bored...
i'm even bored to even end the day....
as ono Lisa sings a very slow song....
its just so B O R I N G...
Just one of them boring fridays....i guess....]
3.50 p.m.
19 August 2004
a stranger in the middle of the nite....( " , )
19 August 2004
Who r u?...i wonder...
as i let u in my darkClosed gates...
u came from nowhere..promising things i know i shouldn't have...
but wanting so badLy.....
Who r u?.....i ponder...
as i let u in me.....
in the deep red sheets....
of my secret garden.....
it was weird...
it was insane....
it was true....
n it was here...
in the deep red sheets......
of my secret garden
aah crap!
10.00 am
Who r u?...i wonder...
as i let u in my darkClosed gates...
u came from nowhere..promising things i know i shouldn't have...
but wanting so badLy.....
Who r u?.....i ponder...
as i let u in me.....
in the deep red sheets....
of my secret garden.....
it was weird...
it was insane....
it was true....
n it was here...
in the deep red sheets......
of my secret garden
aah crap!
10.00 am
18 August 2004
be slow to depart.....
18 August 2004
Linger.....
i woke up this morning feeling normal....
feeling sane....
but last nite my heads a rollerCoaster...
tryin my best to holdStill...
while everything around me goes round_N_Round...
i tried my best to stayStill..but i couldn't..
i tried my best to shutUp..but i couldn't...
its like a virus filling my head...slowly blocking my view....my breathing...my sanity
i just feel i had to do something about it....
i had to fix it...mend it...sit it up straight....
n i can't do all that by staying Still...
n so i did ...
n so i went further....knowing what lies ahead would never happend..
but that rush...that sudden rush...unforgettable....unimmaginable.....
i just had to do sumthin about it....
i just had to...
n i did....
10.55am
Linger.....
i woke up this morning feeling normal....
feeling sane....
but last nite my heads a rollerCoaster...
tryin my best to holdStill...
while everything around me goes round_N_Round...
i tried my best to stayStill..but i couldn't..
i tried my best to shutUp..but i couldn't...
its like a virus filling my head...slowly blocking my view....my breathing...my sanity
i just feel i had to do something about it....
i had to fix it...mend it...sit it up straight....
n i can't do all that by staying Still...
n so i did ...
n so i went further....knowing what lies ahead would never happend..
but that rush...that sudden rush...unforgettable....unimmaginable.....
i just had to do sumthin about it....
i just had to...
n i did....
10.55am
16 August 2004
Broken Smile
16 August 2004
".....look for the girl with the broken smile...
ask her if she wants to stay awhile...n she will...
be loved.....she will be loved...."_Maroon5
gotta love those lirics....
ever wanting to be in a place so badLy ...u can actually smell it?...
u know like..when u're on the way to the seaside...n u can already feel the wind
or on the way to get some yummy iceBlend.....n u're already tasting the cream?....
or when u're at that point u know he's about to say "i love u?"
yep...
i was on that craving mood recentLy....the settings was right...smiles n laughter where in the air..
i gazed in his eyes...as he gazed in mine....(okay..okay...u know me n my imagination rite?..hehe)
i was high on medication over the weekend n wasn't thinkin straight..so that maybe could've elp alot...(hahaahhh)...for the fact that i THOUGHT something more was about to happend...n then boom...(no ..nuthing got xploded...)..
the words just came out....n i could hear somethin shatter...(again me n my imagination....)...
my heart dear..my heart shattered!.....
the words were " i'm not ready for a relationship at this moment"......
don't get me wrong..i wasn't asking him or anything like that...no
not me.......
one good advice i got recently was to not push things n just RELAX...
n that was exactly what i did...(i think...) i relaxed...
in fact we were talking about him n this girl he's interested...(nope not me....)
n that was when those words came out.....
its funny u know....
i'm huge but noOne really sees me...
i'm here but noOne knows....
so...i reckon when i'm gone....
ahh crap!
10.10 am
".....look for the girl with the broken smile...
ask her if she wants to stay awhile...n she will...
be loved.....she will be loved...."_Maroon5
gotta love those lirics....
ever wanting to be in a place so badLy ...u can actually smell it?...
u know like..when u're on the way to the seaside...n u can already feel the wind
or on the way to get some yummy iceBlend.....n u're already tasting the cream?....
or when u're at that point u know he's about to say "i love u?"
yep...
i was on that craving mood recentLy....the settings was right...smiles n laughter where in the air..
i gazed in his eyes...as he gazed in mine....(okay..okay...u know me n my imagination rite?..hehe)
i was high on medication over the weekend n wasn't thinkin straight..so that maybe could've elp alot...(hahaahhh)...for the fact that i THOUGHT something more was about to happend...n then boom...(no ..nuthing got xploded...)..
the words just came out....n i could hear somethin shatter...(again me n my imagination....)...
my heart dear..my heart shattered!.....
the words were " i'm not ready for a relationship at this moment"......
don't get me wrong..i wasn't asking him or anything like that...no
not me.......
one good advice i got recently was to not push things n just RELAX...
n that was exactly what i did...(i think...) i relaxed...
in fact we were talking about him n this girl he's interested...(nope not me....)
n that was when those words came out.....
its funny u know....
i'm huge but noOne really sees me...
i'm here but noOne knows....
so...i reckon when i'm gone....
ahh crap!
10.10 am
14 August 2004
Tryin to Tell u...u're beautiful
14 August 2004
i had a blast LastNite...
ChineseBro introduced me wit some frends of his....
lets give them names...mmmm
ShyGuy n Faking-It-Guy...(i'm good at naming people huh)
Shy Guy is one of ChineseBro's good frend....n i can see why anyone can be his good frend... he's nice...shy n Shy...(very shy...)...as what ChineseBro told me...
but last nite i was myself ..n so was he....
he turn from a shyGuy to a whoa-did-dat-came-out-of-u're-mouth kinda kewl guy
they all made me laugh the whole time...even Faking-It-Guy was fun..
but i guess he was a bit nervous...cause he kept on making statements....that neither me nor ChineseBro found any relevants....
the funny thing is...
i don't know them that well....but i had loads of stuff to talk about...
maybe things in common shouldn't be the main criteria in knowing people...
i mean like ...u can be like two people from two different worlds...n still be connected..
like this better half of me....i name her...InnocentBeauty...
She's among the kewlest thing that came into my life ...the minute we met...we bounded n nothing tore us apart...
even if our music likings r so far apart...
even if i was in a so-called relationship...
even if i'm pale in makeUp n she's got pinkCheeks all year round....
even if she was tiedUp with work....
nothing tore us apart...
She tells me i'm strong when the reality is...i'm weak till i let her know how weak i am...then i get stronger...
She tells me i'm brave when the reality is...i'm chicken shit till i let her know how scared i am...then i can be boldLy brave
She doesn't have the answers i'm looking for...
She doesn't have a magic stick to throw away all my sorrows...
but she does have magic....
her own innocent beauty magic....
n she taught me that
no similarities does not mean...not meant to be....
so this ones for u ...my innocentBeauty
another "can't-live-withOut" buddy
Cheers!
9.15a.m
i had a blast LastNite...
ChineseBro introduced me wit some frends of his....
lets give them names...mmmm
ShyGuy n Faking-It-Guy...(i'm good at naming people huh)
Shy Guy is one of ChineseBro's good frend....n i can see why anyone can be his good frend... he's nice...shy n Shy...(very shy...)...as what ChineseBro told me...
but last nite i was myself ..n so was he....
he turn from a shyGuy to a whoa-did-dat-came-out-of-u're-mouth kinda kewl guy
they all made me laugh the whole time...even Faking-It-Guy was fun..
but i guess he was a bit nervous...cause he kept on making statements....that neither me nor ChineseBro found any relevants....
the funny thing is...
i don't know them that well....but i had loads of stuff to talk about...
maybe things in common shouldn't be the main criteria in knowing people...
i mean like ...u can be like two people from two different worlds...n still be connected..
like this better half of me....i name her...InnocentBeauty...
She's among the kewlest thing that came into my life ...the minute we met...we bounded n nothing tore us apart...
even if our music likings r so far apart...
even if i was in a so-called relationship...
even if i'm pale in makeUp n she's got pinkCheeks all year round....
even if she was tiedUp with work....
nothing tore us apart...
She tells me i'm strong when the reality is...i'm weak till i let her know how weak i am...then i get stronger...
She tells me i'm brave when the reality is...i'm chicken shit till i let her know how scared i am...then i can be boldLy brave
She doesn't have the answers i'm looking for...
She doesn't have a magic stick to throw away all my sorrows...
but she does have magic....
her own innocent beauty magic....
n she taught me that
no similarities does not mean...not meant to be....
so this ones for u ...my innocentBeauty
another "can't-live-withOut" buddy
Cheers!
9.15a.m
12 August 2004
shut n Under construction
12th August 20
my blogSpot is still open...
in fact i think i'm gonna keep on writting crap bout everything n anything to my hearts desire
(n when i do have the time of course...heheh)
my HEART is shut n under construction...
(i made it wide Open...it became a freakShow)
everything is up n about
hyped n horny
crazy n deranged....
as long as it doesn't corcern the heart dept.
n that is when the REAL CURRY apears....
n here i have tina turner's song "what's Love got to do with it" whinning in my head.
for the time being...i'm fuckin scared to open it again....
its just such a mess...
n even if i do...
i become someOne else...
somewhat..
pathethic.....
(i chose not to go there again...)
why...
i become too honest...n noOne wants that in this world anymore...
do they?
Ahhhh....Crap
4.55pm
my blogSpot is still open...
in fact i think i'm gonna keep on writting crap bout everything n anything to my hearts desire
(n when i do have the time of course...heheh)
my HEART is shut n under construction...
(i made it wide Open...it became a freakShow)
everything is up n about
hyped n horny
crazy n deranged....
as long as it doesn't corcern the heart dept.
n that is when the REAL CURRY apears....
n here i have tina turner's song "what's Love got to do with it" whinning in my head.
for the time being...i'm fuckin scared to open it again....
its just such a mess...
n even if i do...
i become someOne else...
somewhat..
pathethic.....
(i chose not to go there again...)
why...
i become too honest...n noOne wants that in this world anymore...
do they?
Ahhhh....Crap
4.55pm
19 July 2004
starting a new focus
18th July 2004
end of another chapter...
whats next...a new one....( " , )
there is this guy i'v known for quite some time....
i've always been a lilSis/shoulder to cryOn kinda a person to him....
he's quite the romantic type i tell ya....
this is of course judging from the things he did for this particular girl he has his eyes on...
lets give them names....
this pasticular guy_Saviour (ahahahahaahah..tell u why in a bit)
the girl he's after _ FuckinBlind
saviour had the hearts for fuckinBlind for ages...think since last year....
both FuckinBlind n saviour r in my circle of frends
description of FuckinBlind....she's one of those "perempuan melayu akhir" that guys dig to have as a wife....
soft spoken....really sleepy eyes...n blur....
not only does she looks like that...she even is that...sleepyNBlur...i'm not kiddin...
but saviour loves her to bitts...so i'm not complaining.....
i don't know why but saviour never talks about this to anyone Xcept me....n till now...noOne knows because fuckinBlind has a Bf in my circle of frends as well....
FuckinBlind is still wit her Bf...even though he treats her like shit (haven't we all been there....hehehe)..
the worst part...saviour comes into her life....sweeps her off her feet....only to realize its not worth it....because all FuckinBlind sees in saviour is just that...a saviour of the moment..
the moment that Bf of hers was buzy doing other things....n now that that Bf is somehow back to earth..she turns right to him....literaly dumping what she had wit Saviour...(sad huh)....
he took it quite badly...lookin shitty an all
it was hardWork to put him back to his two feet....
in my personal opinion she was leading her on...
n that SUCKS!
the thing is....
i was imagininng this guy is going thru shit
because he fell deeply in love wit someone...n that his heart was broken because he finally found someOne to love but cannot love..(u know the soapySide of a love story...right)
but get this....
he was so pathethic n sad n all..the whole time...
all because the idea that he's back at square one...n that he's ALONe
n that he knew about the Bf n also the fact that FuckinBlind will always b wit her Bf...
n i'm like....huh?
did i miss somethin?...
u knew all along... n u still went thru shit....
i don't get it....
i mean he knew the ending but went right thru it anyways...
n i didn't hear a word about "she's the love of my life"..thingi...
the more i hear him talk about the aftermath ...the more i realize.....
he just wanted company....wanted someone he could care n hangAround...
n that the idea of being alone...scares the shit outta him...
mmmmm...
is being alone that scary?...
i don't get it...
for a second there...judging fron the things he's done for her...
the 1000miles he went for her....
don't tell me..its all because he doesn't want to b lonely?
or is it because he's in denial?
isn't being in love wit some one n havin someone close By to avoid beling lonely
two different things?
4.40pm
end of another chapter...
whats next...a new one....( " , )
there is this guy i'v known for quite some time....
i've always been a lilSis/shoulder to cryOn kinda a person to him....
he's quite the romantic type i tell ya....
this is of course judging from the things he did for this particular girl he has his eyes on...
lets give them names....
this pasticular guy_Saviour (ahahahahaahah..tell u why in a bit)
the girl he's after _ FuckinBlind
saviour had the hearts for fuckinBlind for ages...think since last year....
both FuckinBlind n saviour r in my circle of frends
description of FuckinBlind....she's one of those "perempuan melayu akhir" that guys dig to have as a wife....
soft spoken....really sleepy eyes...n blur....
not only does she looks like that...she even is that...sleepyNBlur...i'm not kiddin...
but saviour loves her to bitts...so i'm not complaining.....
i don't know why but saviour never talks about this to anyone Xcept me....n till now...noOne knows because fuckinBlind has a Bf in my circle of frends as well....
FuckinBlind is still wit her Bf...even though he treats her like shit (haven't we all been there....hehehe)..
the worst part...saviour comes into her life....sweeps her off her feet....only to realize its not worth it....because all FuckinBlind sees in saviour is just that...a saviour of the moment..
the moment that Bf of hers was buzy doing other things....n now that that Bf is somehow back to earth..she turns right to him....literaly dumping what she had wit Saviour...(sad huh)....
he took it quite badly...lookin shitty an all
it was hardWork to put him back to his two feet....
in my personal opinion she was leading her on...
n that SUCKS!
the thing is....
i was imagininng this guy is going thru shit
because he fell deeply in love wit someone...n that his heart was broken because he finally found someOne to love but cannot love..(u know the soapySide of a love story...right)
but get this....
he was so pathethic n sad n all..the whole time...
all because the idea that he's back at square one...n that he's ALONe
n that he knew about the Bf n also the fact that FuckinBlind will always b wit her Bf...
n i'm like....huh?
did i miss somethin?...
u knew all along... n u still went thru shit....
i don't get it....
i mean he knew the ending but went right thru it anyways...
n i didn't hear a word about "she's the love of my life"..thingi...
the more i hear him talk about the aftermath ...the more i realize.....
he just wanted company....wanted someone he could care n hangAround...
n that the idea of being alone...scares the shit outta him...
mmmmm...
is being alone that scary?...
i don't get it...
for a second there...judging fron the things he's done for her...
the 1000miles he went for her....
don't tell me..its all because he doesn't want to b lonely?
or is it because he's in denial?
isn't being in love wit some one n havin someone close By to avoid beling lonely
two different things?
4.40pm
17 July 2004
New Pair of Eyes
16th July 2004
my files to view are getting more piledUp day by day
i've even gotten two more eyes to help me out here...
i might just even come over to the office over the weekend
what a supeProductive workaholic person i've become.....
either that or i don't have a life.....
4.15pm
my files to view are getting more piledUp day by day
i've even gotten two more eyes to help me out here...
i might just even come over to the office over the weekend
what a supeProductive workaholic person i've become.....
either that or i don't have a life.....
4.15pm
15 July 2004
PureWhite
15 July 2004
i'm wearing white today...
ask anyone here...its not my usual colour..
i just felt its a good day to look pure...
hopefully might just b
pure....
ever noticed that warmthGiddy feeling when u smile at a stranger..
felt it the whole way to work..
i let a passerBy cross n we both smiled at the same time..
i gave way for this elderly to pay up first...and his "thanks-wit-a-smile" meant something more than those LoudthankU's that u get from waitresses as u go out from some fancy restaurant...
maybe it is true
the best things in life r free.
8.30am
i'm wearing white today...
ask anyone here...its not my usual colour..
i just felt its a good day to look pure...
hopefully might just b
pure....
ever noticed that warmthGiddy feeling when u smile at a stranger..
felt it the whole way to work..
i let a passerBy cross n we both smiled at the same time..
i gave way for this elderly to pay up first...and his "thanks-wit-a-smile" meant something more than those LoudthankU's that u get from waitresses as u go out from some fancy restaurant...
maybe it is true
the best things in life r free.
8.30am
13 July 2004
PurplyCurry
13July04
ChineseBro is right i guess...ignore all sad/crummy/crappyInfluences in this life...
u know i don't need to b nice to everyOne...like said....why not block her email?...heheh.
u have no idea how tempting that is...
i fell for a guy...
fell for a frend...
a goodFrend..
okay-okay...
a "can't-Live-Without" frend..but
like all events n matters in this life...nothin is certain...
i don't have all the answer..he says...
n so he's right...we don't...
n so all said n done...nothin went further than that
a "can't-Live-Without" frend...
but hey...its okay...
like i told him...
its not the end of the world...no one died...spiderman 2 is still making loads of money ( " , )...its okay...
just..a heart got broken....happends eveyday...hope she's worth it
so all said n Done...n so its the "reacting to shit that happends" mode
but this "ShitsHapends" won't seem to want to go away
she keeps on emailing n detailing OUt her relationship with him..
which i don't need to know....especially now that i know all this while he had a Gf
i wouldn't have fallen if i'd knew earlier...
aaahCrap...
i've been talkin about this for the past few weeks...
bored...n pathethic...
enuff is enuff...
breath..thats what i tell mySelf
n stop whinning about it.
11.00am
ChineseBro is right i guess...ignore all sad/crummy/crappyInfluences in this life...
u know i don't need to b nice to everyOne...like said....why not block her email?...heheh.
u have no idea how tempting that is...
i fell for a guy...
fell for a frend...
a goodFrend..
okay-okay...
a "can't-Live-Without" frend..but
like all events n matters in this life...nothin is certain...
i don't have all the answer..he says...
n so he's right...we don't...
n so all said n done...nothin went further than that
a "can't-Live-Without" frend...
but hey...its okay...
like i told him...
its not the end of the world...no one died...spiderman 2 is still making loads of money ( " , )...its okay...
just..a heart got broken....happends eveyday...hope she's worth it
so all said n Done...n so its the "reacting to shit that happends" mode
but this "ShitsHapends" won't seem to want to go away
she keeps on emailing n detailing OUt her relationship with him..
which i don't need to know....especially now that i know all this while he had a Gf
i wouldn't have fallen if i'd knew earlier...
aaahCrap...
i've been talkin about this for the past few weeks...
bored...n pathethic...
enuff is enuff...
breath..thats what i tell mySelf
n stop whinning about it.
11.00am
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